Trashin’ Fashion: Five New Trends You’ll Loathe By the End of 2018

Source: Pexels

Fashion trends are ephemeral. Most pass by quicker than time itself. Some styles make an indelible impact, while others are lost in the shuffle. However, 2017’s most insipid trends — everything from cold-shoulder shirts and chokers, to rompers and crop tops — feel as if they’ve lingered longer than usual.

Thankfully, in mere days, 2018 will arrive, ushering in an entirely new array of styles that will aggravate the masses until they transition to the clearance racks. Though most of the trends on the horizon aren’t completely awful or unexpected, they’ll likely drive you insane by the time we ring in 2019.

Here are just five upcoming fashion trends you’ll loathe by the end of next year:

1. Lavender 

Source: Harper’s Bazaar

No one knows how to kill your favorite colors quite like the people who run the fashion industry. Of course, you’ll only be able to own one — maybe two — pieces in said hue without looking like a living, breathing Care Bear every day of your life.

2. Fanny packs

Source: Travel and Leisure

Despite the fact that smartphone radiation might be harmful to your health, fashion gurus want you to carry your mobile device closer to your reproductive organs than ever. But, you know, at least they’re not neon sacks of nylon designed specifically for mall walkers anymore…

3. Fringe

Source: Pinterest

While fringe can be fun in moderation, it’s not the 20s again (yet) and no one’s as fashionable as flappers once were. If you feel the need to give this trend a try, be careful. Be sure to ask yourself: Can I go to the bathroom while wearing this garment? You’ll be glad you did.

4. Plastic

Source: PopSugar

Remember how Aqua once declared that being wrapped in plastic was fantastic? Well, now’s your chance to live out those Barbie Girl dreams you’ve been harboring for 20 years. For those looking for an economical alternative, Target’s cheap, clear shower curtain liners should suffice.

5. Florals

Source: Harper’s Bazaar

“Florals for Spring? Groundbreaking.” But, you see, they’re BIGGER this time! While the florals of yesteryear resembled the sickening drapes in your grandmother’s living room, these 60s-style patterns are IN YOUR FACE, so it’ll be impossible to ignore their existence. Just don’t walk too quickly, or else you might trigger strangers’ motion sickness.

(This post originally appeared on Storia.)


Trashin’ Fashion 2017: Trends That Need to Get Canned

Fashion can be quite fickle. What’s popular one moment might be shunned the next. It’s difficult for anyone to remain trendy when styles tend to change with the direction of the breeze. However, then there are those trends that never seem to relent. They pop up out of nowhere and they refuse to disappear. Though potentially appealing at the start, their sickening prevalence turns them into an inevitable eyesore. Here are some of the latest styles that need to call it quits:

Chokers. Have you ever noticed that everyone who wears a choker looks like they’ve had their severed head reattached? Sure, some of these necklaces are actually quite pretty, but the ones that look like “tattoos” need to go. I used to wear one back in the day when they were first cool, but I never thought this trend would reemerge so soon. Take it from someone who’s been there—don’t wear one unless you want to look like some sort of zombie in all your photos from this time of your life.

Cold shoulder and off-the-shoulder tops. Shopping loses its appeal when every single shirt looks identical, and this year, none of them seem to have shoulders. Many have holes cut from the sleeves, hence the “cold” shoulder moniker. While the trend isn’t awful in moderation, it’s exhausting to find that every designer and brand can’t seem to diverge from this style. Off-the-shoulder tops are becoming equally as common, unfortunately, as anyone who’s ever worn one can attest to the fact that lifting your arms will leave you disheveled afterward. Clothing that leaves its wearer immobilized doesn’t seem all that fashionable to me.

Rompers. Behold, the perfect ensemble for adult babies everywhere! We all know they’re onesies for those who’ve outgrown their diapers, so don’t try and sugarcoat things by claiming rompers are comfortable. Yes, choosing an outfit might be easier because the top and bottom are fused at the waist, but there’s nothing convenient (or pleasant) about having to strip down to you skivvies every time you need to use the restroom. Plus, there’s nothing worse than coming upon an attractive dress on the sale rack only to discover it’s shorts.

Gladiator sandals. When sweat and sunburns are in the forecast, it’s rather ridiculous to wear cages around your calves. You cannot wear these sandals during prolonged periods outdoors because they’ll leave you with the worst tan lines imaginable. Plus, we all know they’re not made with absorbent material, so you’re bound to become a hot, sticky mess up and down your legs. Gladiator sandals aren’t even remotely attractive, so why suffer? Never sacrifice comfort just to conform to what’s “in” at the moment.

Crop tops. Technically, I’m not opposed to baring ones belly. If worn tastefully, crop tops can even look cute. But, in most cases, these supposed “shirts” are small enough to qualify as bras (for women of the A-cup variety, at least). Years ago, crop tops used to expose ones belly button—nothing more. These shirts still offered sufficient amounts of material. Now, however, even those with a moderately sized chest cannot wear crop tops without risking indecent exposure. NEWS FLASH: You don’t need to verbally body shame people to imply that their size and shape aren’t the ideal.

Now it’s your turn! Which styles should be banished for good? Share your choices and your reasons in the comments below!


(This post originally appeared on Storia.)

Trashin’ Fashion: 5 Trends That Need to Get Canned

Walking through the mall has become quite painful for my eyeballs. While no one can really explain how certain trends grab hold, one can easily detect when they should be put to rest. No, I’m not an expert. Heck, I’m not even all that fashionable myself. But when it comes to what’s in style, I can’t help calling it like I see it:

dsc_31601. Mullet skirts: OK, that might not be their official name. In fact, I have no idea what their real name happens to be. All I know is that these skirts are reminiscent of the glorious 80s hairdo that needs no introduction. Short in the front, long in the back—this style accentuates the knees, making even the thinnest legs look chubby,stubby, and malformed. Also, I can’t imagine it’s very easy to sit down without giving the world an unintentional peep show.

2. Pointy shoes: First of all, no one’s foot comes to a point, so why try to jam your toes into something that’s clearly uncomfortable? Plus, the excessive level of toe cleavage leaves me wondering why you ever thought they looked good in the first place. Oh, and have you ever seen (or read) The Witches by Roald Dahl? They wore pointy shoes to disguise their squared feet—a telltale indicator—and reduce suspicion. I’ve got my eye on you, ladies.


3. Wedge sneakers: Over the years, sneakers have come to represent comfort. From the gym to the hiking trail, sneakers enable us to move quickly and freely without distress. However, not long ago, designers began adding a little boost to this wardrobe staple. Now stores carry an endless supply of sneakers on stilts, featuring Velcro, high-tops, and golden studs galore. Heels already dominate the industry. Don’t steal our sneakers, too!


4. Gigantic jewels: Jewelry can be the defining element of an ensemble. However, today’s most popular styles feature overbearing rocks and heavy chains. Often times, these pieces look as if the designer rummaged through their garden, gathered the largest stones, and strung them together to turn a profit. Plus, these items tend to weigh heavy, particularly necklaces, causing unnecessary strain on the neck that inevitably leads to headaches.

ombre_hair_coloring5. Ombre hair: With its two-toned nature and its dated style, ombre hair may very well become this generation’s version of 80s hair. Though primarily popular amongst those with long, straight hair, the mismatched dye job looks lazy, as if the person sporting the ‘do was merely too lazy to head back to the salon. Though not quite the worst hair trend in history, I imagine pictures will inevitably be burned—or deleted/untagged as the case may be.