Yes, this self-proclaimed hater (okay, maybe ‘hate’ is a little strong) of the first person perspective is officially giving in and using it whenever the mood strikes… Because sometimes it’s just the only way to write something.
When you think of all the stories on the news, or the people you pass by in the mall, one has to wonder if the majority of the population is actually thinking – or is even capable of such a task. Our world has become so pathetic that we have to enact laws that make texting while driving illegal because common law now reigns supreme over common sense.
But, every once in a while, I feel myself slipping under the same blanket that appears to be suffocating the rest of the world. For a brief moment every now and again, I simply cannot think.
I sit and I stare at my computer screen. I close my eyes with the intention of focusing on one thing but draw a complete blank to the point where I don’t even remember what I was planning on thinking about in the first place. Perhaps it’s that there is so much on my mind that my brain takes a self-induced vacation. Or maybe it’s the onset of 20-something year old Alzheimer’s, who knows. And though it’s always good to refresh and clear your head, wiping the slate entirely clean is not recommended.
Often times, when in such a stupor, the only activity my brain can process is refreshing my Facebook or Twitter page so I can at least stalk people who appear to think. The only problem is that after about five minutes of such mind numbing clicking, I feel that rush one feels when they see the seconds of the day flying by, knowing nothing has gotten done.
It is the same panic that washes over someone who has only written one paragraph and is a half-hour from deadline. Suddenly, I realize that, if the end of the day comes and I have nothing to show for it, I will feel like a failure and ultimately lose my ambition for the next day because playing the catch-up game is such a daunting task. Luckily, I’m the girl who always works best on a deadline, the kind that used to wait until the day before a 24-page, semester-long research paper was due on the basis that I could never think that far in advance (and still get at least a B).
As a result, I end up thinking more than my brain can possibly handle. The ideas flow freely and much too fast for them all to make it out alive. My thoughts spin so fast, I often feel dizzy just because my heart is racing too quickly and my mind is headed in all directions. It is almost as if I’m behind the wheel of an out of control vehicle, stomping on the brake pedal but only speeding faster.
No matter what, eventually everything comes to a halt, I take a deep breath and head back out on the road again. The daily grind is restored to its natural balance and typical thinking can commence once again. The path has cleared, the route’s mapped out, and the gas tank is full. Where I’m headed, even I don’t know.