The Juan That Got Away
How the women of The Bachelor won both our hearts and minds
Let’s get something straight right away—The Bachelor’s premise, though entertaining, will remain ridiculous until the end of time. Perhaps it’s just me, but I find the concept rather archaic and animalistic. That being said, I’m addicted and it’s all Juan Pablo’s fault. No, it’s not because he’s handsome. (Though we must all admit that’s what attracted us to season 18 in the first place.) Oddly enough, the appeal has shifted from the once dreamy leading man to the strong and sassy women whom he’s “loved” and lost.
No matter which season draws you in—this was the first full season I’ve ever watched, for instance—ABC publicizes every iteration of the series by overemphasizing the catfights and bickering between the ladies of the house. (Oh, and the tears! How could I forget the tears?) We’ve come to expect nothing but weekly displays of the female gender at its worst. But, what ABC probably didn’t expect was that Desiree Hartstock may have let this Latin lover slip through her fingers for a reason.
Juan Pablo, though seemingly sensitive and sincere, has spent the entire season digging himself one hole after another. From potentially homophobic remarks to slut-shaming, he’s reached the point where even his looks can’t save him now. (He can parade around shirtless throughout the entire finale, and that STILL won’t get anyone to gush at this stage of the game.) Instead, diehard fans will be crossing their fingers and hoping their favorite doesn’t have to endure an incomprehensible proposal and inevitable heartbreak, for this season, it’s those who walk away without an engagement ring that are the true winners.
Though the show, in general, revolves around the (eventual) love between one man and one woman, we’ve seen much more powerful bonds form among the women who came and went from our TV screens far too soon. Instead of dwelling on dissention within the house, these ladies have developed strong friendships that extend well past the confines of the camera. ABC keeps touting this season as one unlike any other and, quite frankly, they’re right. We’ve seen an array of smart women who know what they want and aren’t willing to dumb themselves down just to win the love of some man they hardly know. We’ve seen multiple “hopefuls” speak their mind because—wait for it—women have minds!
Plus, we’ve even seen what healthy female relationships look like despite the dramatic garbage ABC constantly feeds the media in their attempt to continuously plague people’s perception of female friendships. (You mean we’re not always at each other’s throats, battling to the death in a mud pit? PUH-LEASE!) With that in mind, here are the real “winners” of season 18, for these ladies left with their dignity intact and friendships that may very well last a lifetime.
FIRST PLACE: Sharleen Joynt and Andi Dorfman (TIE)—Oh, how refreshing to hear women speak their minds and voice their opinions! While both were admittedly attracted to the man of the hour, Sharleen and Andi willingly left the show because they knew their respective relationships with Juan Pablo were simply not what they needed or wanted from their significant other. Though difficult, these ladies surely got many viewers thinking about their own relationships and goals in life. (Yes, an otherwise mind-numbing show made people think! Sound the alarms…) Both are great role models and deserve nothing but respect and praise.
SECOND PLACE: Renée Oteri—Just two weeks ago, I spent the entire episode wishing Juan Pablo would send Renée home because, from the beginning, I knew she deserved only the best. She spent most of the show acting as psychiatrist and confidant to every other woman in the house, and the fact that she’s a mother only made her more endearing because you need only hear her talk about her son, Ben, once to know she loves with all her heart. Thankfully, since the show wrapped, she’s found the love she’s been looking for (and he’s quite the looker, too). I couldn’t be happier for her as she begins this next phase with her new love and new life.
THIRD PLACE: Kelly Travis—The dog lover! Honestly, if she could just dub over every episode a la RiffTrax, I’d watch the entire season again in a heartbeat. Though Kelly did not get nearly enough screen time, her personality was infectious. Her “tell it like it is” attitude makes me wish we could be best friends in real life. To any and all television executives out there, we really need more Kelly (and Molly!) gracing our airwaves, so make it happen. It’s refreshing to find someone with an actual sense of humor who doesn’t just vapidly giggle at every dumb thing some man says. She’s totally #kellingit, obviously.
But, now that all the good ones are gone, who will Juan Pablo pick?
Who Juan Pablo will choose: Clare (without an ‘I’)—These two have had chemistry ever since she stepped out of the limo with that whacky baby bump stuffed up her dress. She’s a bit odd, and potentially unstable, but they get along quite “swimmingly” if you ask me. While I’d be wary of a future with the man who slut-shamed me on national television, Clare has visibly fallen head over heels in love with Juan Pablo and, for her sake, I can only hope he doesn’t hurt her again.
Who Juan Pablo should choose: No one—Juan Pablo seems self-centered and two-dimensional, or at least that’s what the cutting room would have us believe. He uses his daughter as an excuse every time he doesn’t want to take the blame or make a move, and one has to wonder if Camila will be a constant source of strain on his relationships. Perhaps we should get his baby mama’s take on all this? Regardless, I think all these women are much too good for him—even crazy Clare.