Walking through the mall has become quite painful for my eyeballs. While no one can really explain how certain trends grab hold, one can easily detect when they should be put to rest. No, I’m not an expert. Heck, I’m not even all that fashionable myself. But when it comes to what’s in style, I can’t help calling it like I see it:
1. Mullet skirts: OK, that might not be their official name. In fact, I have no idea what their real name happens to be. All I know is that these skirts are reminiscent of the glorious 80s hairdo that needs no introduction. Short in the front, long in the back—this style accentuates the knees, making even the thinnest legs look chubby,stubby, and malformed. Also, I can’t imagine it’s very easy to sit down without giving the world an unintentional peep show.
2. Pointy shoes: First of all, no one’s foot comes to a point, so why try to jam your toes into something that’s clearly uncomfortable? Plus, the excessive level of toe cleavage leaves me wondering why you ever thought they looked good in the first place. Oh, and have you ever seen (or read) The Witches by Roald Dahl? They wore pointy shoes to disguise their squared feet—a telltale indicator—and reduce suspicion. I’ve got my eye on you, ladies.
3. Wedge sneakers: Over the years, sneakers have come to represent comfort. From the gym to the hiking trail, sneakers enable us to move quickly and freely without distress. However, not long ago, designers began adding a little boost to this wardrobe staple. Now stores carry an endless supply of sneakers on stilts, featuring Velcro, high-tops, and golden studs galore. Heels already dominate the industry. Don’t steal our sneakers, too!
4. Gigantic jewels: Jewelry can be the defining element of an ensemble. However, today’s most popular styles feature overbearing rocks and heavy chains. Often times, these pieces look as if the designer rummaged through their garden, gathered the largest stones, and strung them together to turn a profit. Plus, these items tend to weigh heavy, particularly necklaces, causing unnecessary strain on the neck that inevitably leads to headaches.
5. Ombre hair: With its two-toned nature and its dated style, ombre hair may very well become this generation’s version of 80s hair. Though primarily popular amongst those with long, straight hair, the mismatched dye job looks lazy, as if the person sporting the ‘do was merely too lazy to head back to the salon. Though not quite the worst hair trend in history, I imagine pictures will inevitably be burned—or deleted/untagged as the case may be.