When I was a child, award show red carpet report cards were not immediately accessible. We usually had to wait for Mary Hart’s analysis on Entertainment Tonight the following evening, or People Magazine‘s rundown in their next issue. Though some of today’s overly-privelged younglings may consider us deprived, we were not able to assess Meryl Streep’s attire before the ceremony even ended. So, like Mary Hart, join me in examining last night’s standouts and missteps tonight!
IT WAS THE BEST OF TIMES, IT WAS THE WORST OF TIMES —
Just by looking at these lovely ladies side-by-side, we can automatically tell which one was nominated and which one was simply there to support her friend. Viola Davis looks like an absolute goddess, and rightfully so. I may not have seen any of the other Best Actress nominees’ performances, but I can say without a doubt that she deserved to win! As for Busy Philipps… well, it was nice of her to dress down so as not to upstage her best gal pal, Michelle Williams? Yes, we’ll go with that.
In a refreshing twist of fate, the men of Hollywood finally seem to have alternatives to the typically drab tuxedo. Christopher Plummer always looks distinguished, but this ensemble really makes you wonder if his Wikipedia page is accurate. (What a delightfully handsome 82-year-old!) But poor Alan Cumming looks like he took a nap in his awkwardly wrinkled, shedding snakeskin of a suit.
THE STARS OF YOUNG HOLLYWOOD SHINE DIM —
Poor Lea Michele! Her red carpet track record has taken a nosedive over the past season, and last night’s attempt to regain her steady footing failed once again. Instead of true class, she’s decided to go the dramatic route (and that route just happens to lead to her lady parts…). Perhaps, in her desperation to reclaim stardom, she slit her dress in a Hulk-like rage at the last minute. But I highly doubt that.
Shailene Woodley, known best for her incessant run as Amy Juergens on ABC Family’s The Secret Life of the American Teenager, looks just as childish as her teen mom alter ego. Jezebel put it best when they likened the dress pattern to a pair of Billabong shorts. Maybe that’s why most PacSun locations are dropping like flies.
YOU CALL THAT BEST DRESSED?! —
Browsing through numerous Best/Worst-Dressed lists, I happened to notice two predictable staples: Angelina Jolie and Sofia Vergara. Unfortunately, Jolie looks like she’s merely draped in a strategically placed garbage bag.
Vergara looks pleasant, but appears to be wearing another gown that hoists her breasts up just high enough to keep men all over the country on the edge of their seats. Will there be a wardrobe malfunction this time? Heck no! Modern Family‘s success ensures that she can afford the super sticky garment tape, of course.
THOSE WHO CAN DO NO WRONG —
But, as far as cutest/best-dressed couple of the night (and ever) goes, Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick take the cake! Those two could come to every award show wearing his-and-hers Forever Lazy footed pajamas and the love radiating from their smiles would still make them the most stylish duo in the room.