They Just Need a Little Water!
The economy really stinks and I shall soon be dangling on the edge of financial ruin. My family has officially crossed the border into the land of the certifiably insane. Oh, and near nervous breakdowns have become so frequent and sudden that I now occasionally start to hyperventilate and cry in the shower because I feel trapped, a feeling of lifestyle discontent triggered by the claustrophobia-inducing shower curtain liner that insists on clinging to my leg like a magnet.
Life is great until it comes caving in on you from every direction. Then, just when you feel like you’ve lost almost all your marbles, common sense and the will to keep going kicks in and you have to begin digging yourself out from all the rubble. Unfortunately, once you’ve hit bottom (or as close to it as you’d like to get), the climb back to the top can be quite the long and arduous journey, leaving you to prioritize and only focus on those things that need fixing. And, as any good writer will tell you, life often leaves their craft at the bottom of the priority list.
These past two months have left me drained. Like a garden without a hose, ‘Roses’ has suffered a severe drought, not for lack of ideas, but for lack of opportunity. Having succumbed to both the demand of the impending bill collectors and the emotional upheaval caused by vindictive family members, my time has been consumed by an ever-failing job search and my neverending need to work familial damage control. Both tasks depressing in their own right, I have spent most of the last two months feeling defeated, as if the dirt was finally being shoveled into my open grave as I gasped for the words that would just make it all stop.
But the last thing I would ever want to do is turn ‘Roses’ into my own personal diary. You are not a psychiatrist and this is not a couch (and if you are, I could never afford you). Instead, I hope to derive some valuable lesson from my experiences and share whatever words of wisdom I can muster so you, too, may benefit from my misfortune. (Such lessons and choice thoughts and observations are what I hope to convey with every post, in fact.) Instead, I must apologize for my unreasonably long hiatus and redeem myself in the eyes of those who continue to stand by me and support my career path even if the job market refuses to cooperate.
When you feel entirely alone, like the world is out to destroy you and every bit of sanity you’ve managed to retain, a true crisis will prove, without a doubt, exactly whom you can depend on in this world. Though there were countless times when I would’ve liked to have given up, there were also countless times when I felt loved. To those who offered to swoop in and save me like the superheroes you are, I am forever grateful. For the promise to whisk me away on a moments’ notice and the invaluable help with my job search, I’m not sure I will ever find a way to repay you in a way that shows you exactly how much your actions mean.
And, after all this, life rewarded me by allowing me my first real vacation ever – a trip to Cape Cod! This week was not only one of emotional and physical recovery, but also of building relationships and discovering oneself. I didn’t just get a serious sunburn, but peace of mind as well. I know what I have, I know what I want and I do believe I now have the confidence and ambition to pursue my elusive but important goals. Most of all, I know I never want to give up on writing, and I can only hope that you will all accompany me on this new leg of my journey, for you provide the water necessary to keep ‘Roses’ growing well into the future.
(The photos interspersed amongst the text are some I took during our trip to Cape Cod. Not only are they some of my favorites, but I also thought they would help break up the monotony of this fairly long post. Enjoy!)